I want to start a new division of the police called the Forensic Building Squad. Their sole job is to recreate home improvement scenes to figure out why homeowners love to take out the SUPPORTING COLUMNS OF THEIR OWN HOUSES. Problem is: "tax dawlahs, baby" - no one's gonna want to dish out for this new unit, so I gotta do this myself. The crime you see here was particularly heinous. Lally column removed under the carrying beam. Shoe scuffs on the floor indicate a repetitive spinning motion - a motion we forensic experts like to describe as "festive." We believe the homeowner enjoyed twirling around with their eyes closed like in the beginning of The Sound of Music and removed the support column to achieve a running spin or "lunar orbit" motion. Temporary jack-posts (seen above) have been installed by our team to support the victim.