Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Crime Scene



I want to start a new division of the police called the Forensic Building Squad. Their sole job is to recreate home improvement scenes to figure out why homeowners love to take out the SUPPORTING COLUMNS OF THEIR OWN HOUSES. Problem is: "tax dawlahs, baby" - no one's gonna want to dish out for this new unit, so I gotta do this myself. The crime you see here was particularly heinous. Lally column removed under the carrying beam. Shoe scuffs on the floor indicate a repetitive spinning motion - a motion we forensic experts like to describe as "festive." We believe the homeowner enjoyed twirling around with their eyes closed like in the beginning of The Sound of Music and removed the support column to achieve a running spin or "lunar orbit" motion. Temporary jack-posts (seen above) have been installed by our team to support the victim.

24 Comments:

Blogger zilla said...

So tell me, are you living in the space as you do the remodel, or are you still living in the other house?

I bought the ugliest 1974 brown ranch I could find and moved my daughter into it -- because it's behind the college and close to her job, and you know, dorm fees Vs equity is sort of a no-brainer.

The idea is to rehab the neglected abode & sell it before the balloon pops. I think if I'm smart I can work around her without her having to move out, but, you know, is living in a construction zone just absolute hell, or what? Maybe I should find project #2 and move her before I break ground?

I'll be watching your progress right down to the last nail -- interesting so far. Jen

4:42 AM  
Blogger Sunshine said...

Thanks for making me laugh. I work in intensive care at night, so there isn't really very much to laugh about. Your site gives me a smile on my face. Keep up the great work! :)

5:51 AM  
Blogger Howard said...

Agreed,

I just stumbled on this blog one day while creating my own, and I keep coming back for the wit and sarcasm. (I'm also obsessed with home improvement, even though I rent a place in Boston.)

Once you are done, you should throw a party and have everyone bring you liquor. It works!

7:37 AM  
Blogger ykw777 said...

good job ppl

4:07 AM  
Blogger jmg1962 said...

Good blog. Nice combo of picture and text.

6:55 AM  
Blogger Sylvana said...

I have run into a few mysteries during my home renovation projects too. I am working with much older homes though, so I just write it of to "They didn't know any better". Although even 100 years ago they should know better than to take out a supporting structure!
One house I owned had a 1" galvanized pipe running from the the natural gas meter around the base of the house, just laying on the ground, half way around the house and over the front steps to hook up the gas stove in the kitchen. I know the person who had owned the home before and knew this was done purely because they were too cheap to pay for someone to run the line through the house.

11:17 AM  
Blogger H.U.T.S. said...

Great site. My wife and I have done a bunch of larger than normal projects in our house, but never a whole house. It'll be interesting to read about it from that perspective.

1:25 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

Jay you rock my world. I've linked to you from my blog too. Keep banging 'em out - I'll be hanging off your every nail...

8:38 PM  
Blogger chuck wagonn said...

i,ve worked at renovations for 30 years , mostly on older building,s. My house in Montreal is 154 years old. Now let me tell you the sites (ha) I have seen. The demolition kid bashing away at main support column says "I just can,t knock the bastard out". I said thats good because it,s holding up fifty tons of building over our heads.

7:16 PM  
Blogger Romy geissler said...

oh my gawd!!!!!!!! i bought a house last year that has those things EVERYWHERE in the basement! my thoughts EXACTLY!

6:59 AM  
Blogger Romy geissler said...

I agree with Howard, LIQUOR, and lots of it!thanks for the laughs, and the motivation!

7:02 AM  
Blogger Hellman Jackson said...

It was me. I did it. I am a psychobeaver from hell.

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Blogger Davenz said...

Great blog! Thanks a lot!

Regards

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10:08 AM  

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