Friday, March 18, 2005

Theory of Relativity



No, no, no, it's not my foundation. Not yet. Poured a footing for an addition on a house that's already got 4,000 sf. Weird. Whatever. You see how stiff the mix is? That's good - (even though I was supposed to be over there poking it instead of taking photos, hence the overflowing you see). Higher compressive strength when it cures. So right after I take this photo the Mixer Driver starts giving me pointers on photography.
"Know what I learned about photos?" he says "My niece loves this shit. She says you gotta put something in there to get the idea of how big something is. Something alongside it. Or in the beforeground of it to see--"
"Perspective," my boss chimes in. "things arranged in the different layers to give an idea of space or relative size ."
"Chrissakes, how the fuck-"
"He knows everything," I say. And no kidding, the guy does. I've seen him translate Latin, flirt in French, correct people about Native American history, Napoleon's defeat, and the economic significance of the Cotton Gin. More about him later.
My boss spits, harpoons a snowbank with a shovel, leans on it, and says "Yeah, I use that all the time with my girlfriend. Whenever I take my pants off in front of her I always make sure to hold a Bic pen a few inches in front of my dick to make me look huge. "
Mixer Driver laughs, "Trickery, I like it. Fuckin David Copperfield."
My boss: "Yeah, but the problem is I end up making the pen look big."

19 Comments:

Blogger Katrina Leigh said...

Cool pic. I love your blog. You're very creative.

10:02 AM  
Blogger Jimmy said...

MAA! gotta try that pen thing myself. Or mebbe, I should try a needle instead ...

11:36 AM  
Blogger SierraBella said...

Remember it's not the size of the "pen," it's the motion in the ocean!
Love your writing-

1:50 PM  
Blogger DevilChild_17 said...

Hey...I love the blog...wicked use of it.....You have a talent for these things...ttyl!

2:14 PM  
Blogger erynthenerd said...

ha! this made me laugh several times. not an easy feat.

9:18 PM  
Blogger anne said...

As everybody has been buttering you up, I'll say nothing about your blog. I like your boss though.

12:32 AM  
Blogger Kenneth said...

Hey Jay.
Liked ur blog, Liked the pictures.
Nice use of words.
Check mine if you get the time.
Take Care.

2:54 AM  
Blogger Mandy said...

You need to bring your boss on a road trip to North Myrtle Beach, Home of the Beach Party.

11:28 AM  
Blogger Damn said...

nice blog.. very funny :)

5:12 PM  
Blogger centuri0n said...

Your blog made me miss NY. You can't buy a conversation like that one anyplace else.

"I made the pen look big." Oh man.

6:42 AM  
Blogger Bridger said...

Very nice . . . you are crass, but what the hell, huh?

It takes all kinds and although you and I may be very different, I respect your ability to write and make me laugh . . .

2:57 PM  
Blogger loki said...

perception is everything... at least to those doing the percieving..... good photo... what's harder the foundation you were building or the snow that will cover it?
sounds like a good boss.... at least until some one gets pissed off.... u caught my attention and kept it for a minute.....
nice.....

3:32 PM  
Blogger Rick Higgs said...

just read your blog. Great entry. My dad had a construction company and I poured some foundations in the summers in SoCal. Hot frickin work!!

6:35 PM  
Blogger Teepee said...

We are building a self sufficient house in 2 years - we have lots to look forward to by the sounds of it.. Hysterical.

10:00 AM  
Blogger Hello said...

You made me laugh so hard! Hysterical! You need to write a book...really. Oh my nerd...

9:46 PM  
Blogger MDK said...

hilarious blog... loved the pen thing...

11:57 PM  
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Blogger Davenz said...

Nice idea! Thanks

Regards

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9:35 AM  

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