Thursday, March 24, 2005

Ugly Situation Thwarted by Steel Plate!

On the evening of the very first night that we slept in the new house, I took a long look at the back door. The wood around the strike plate was badly damaged. The jamb had been crudely repaired a number of times, and one of the solid fir stiles of the door was split all the way through. Great - I thought - someone bashed the door in. And it looked like it may have happened more than once. I opened and closed the door eight hundred times and watched everything and I didn't like it. Things just didn't catch right. And the repairs were flimsy. I got to work. Removed all the cheese-dick "repairs," put in a steel plate, and replaced the flimsy knobs with a deadbolt. Well, several hours later my fiancée and I woke up to the sounds of someone trying to bash in our back door. She reached for the phone, and I grabbed a table leg and went to confront the soon-to-be dead person. When I got to the back door they were gone. I lurked around in the shadows in my underwear the rest of the night with the table leg and a carving knife, but he never came back. Lucky I put that plate in!


Blogger jkirlin said...


Why are you dealing with a LUMBER supplier?

You should be dealing with a Steelmaker. Or Masons at least. You need iron and granite! And Smith and Wesson.

Jeez..and I hate to wake up to the phone ringing.

6:55 PM  
Blogger sster said...

Scary. I suggest booby traps. In our last apartment, we had the nicest break-in ever: we awoke to an open window and a body impression on the living room couch. All beer present and accounted for.

7:42 PM  
Blogger far2gone said...

Good God man, I must agree with jkirlin. What kind of neighborhood have you gotten yourself into? Perhaps you need to make peace with the giant with the necktie and make some sort of home protection alliance.....

8:27 PM  
Blogger jay said...

good idea, yes, the giant could crush intruders with his leathery hands in exchange for praise and goats.

8:54 PM  
Blogger Lucas said...

You are killing me, man! Stop it! You are too much!

8:39 AM  
Blogger erynthenerd said...

Scary! One time at the house where my dad and step-mom live we heard the back door open, a female voice said, "Hello?", and then the door closed again. The house is very open, but because of the position of the couch we couldn't see into the kitchen from where we were. Immediately, we locked the back door and watched the driveway and the street in front of the house to see if the intruder would show herself, but we still have no idea who it was.

3:03 PM  
Blogger Isabo said...

I still think it'd be cool to have electrified doors. knock at your own risk? *zzzzt*

6:12 PM  
Blogger okstatendn said...

I thought that door felt a lot sturdier. My shoulder is killing me. Jerk.

11:56 PM  
Blogger cor radi said...

the thieves arrived,ten years ago: and took my Lego house, and my school bag.

and let all the chest of drawers opended, and the light switched on-

12:25 AM  
Blogger Marc said...

Freaky sh#t Jay!! Glad that the fix-up saved the day!

That's probably one of my biggest phobias - waking up to finding someone lurking in my place or trying to break into it.

10:30 AM  
Blogger SierraBella said...

True story: When my brother was 12, and home alone for several hours,someone attempted a break-in through a sliding glass door.
Brother grabbed the only available weapon and shot the 'perp' in the butt with an arrow.
Later, a police officer admonished him on his handling of the problem.
Brother said the rest of the cops were all laughing.

11:21 AM  
Blogger jkirlin said...


I TOTALLY forgot about the Giant!

Why have a Giant on the payroll if he's not stopping the door bashers!?'s near contract negotiation time and he let one through to point out the ned for him.

Damn..those Giants are crafty.

11:48 AM  
Blogger Brooks Waldhart said...

My sister arrived home late one evening from work and unlocked the side door she always enters from. The door would not open at all, even though she had unlocked it, and she said she had a real bad feeling so she sent across the street to a friend's house. She went back ten minutes later to try it again, snd it opned right up. Her place had been burglarized - the cops speculated that the burglar had been on the other side of the door, holding it closed so she couldn't enter.

5:23 PM  
Blogger mixmastermike said...

I would find a Glock supplier to go with you Lumber Supplier. Maybe a few claymores near the door for preventive measures.

2:22 AM  
Blogger blah said...

dude...wait till he gets in your house (bedroom) and threatens you with the glass from the window he broke! not fun on my first week in cali... i hear you...too many nuts out there... an idea...i have now an electric fence, which deterrs most people. signs are up for liability....its fun to watch people grab the wire and cuss. wonder if hooking it to your door on a timer is illegal?? hope the police response time is good out there!

2:59 AM  
Blogger blah said...

dude...wait till he gets in your house (bedroom) and threatens you with the glass from the window he broke! not fun on my first week in cali... i hear you...too many nuts out there... an idea...i have now an electric fence, which deterrs most people. signs are up for liability....its fun to watch people grab the wire and cuss. wonder if hooking it to your door on a timer is illegal?? hope the police response time is good out there!

3:00 AM  
Blogger AJ said...

(sung to tune of "If I Were a Rich Man" - before Gwen tweaked it all to hell)

If I bought a crack house
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum
I would buy an AK-47
If I bought a fix-er-up crack house.

Wouldn't get to sleep nights
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum
I'd be too busy sending break-in crack whores up to heaven
If I bought a fix-er-up crack house

I'd put in big dead bolts
And motion sensored police lights
Just in case they scaled the barbed wire
I'd have rusty dog chain wearing do-ber-ma-a-ans
My phones would all have 9-1 constantly dialed
So all I'd have to do is push the 1
And acid-loaded squirt guns just for show


(everybody sing!!)

9:39 PM  
Blogger CdnSee said...

I am sorry if I woke you - I realized soon after that wasn't my back door


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9:11 AM  

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