Saturday, April 16, 2005

Blasted Rocks!

Depth is in the eye of the beholder. To some this may just look like a rock. A rock that could be flipped over with a spade shovel and then harvested for its tasty supply of centipedes and earwigs. Did your mouth just water? Are you one of those run-naked-and-feed-at-night types? Good, come on over and harvest, I will recruit you into my army of ghouls. However, I look at this rock and you know what I see? Dynamite. Fucking dynamite. Because that's what I'm going to have to use on this thing if it goes as deep and wide as I think it does. I was walking around and they're everywhere, surfacing in gray humps like a Loch Ness Monster photo. Lets hope they're just big rocks that can be moved with an excavator - Or bedrock that's tame enough that it can be broken up.


Blogger the_nod_mutant said...

Amusing post, if I could clearly remember what it said. As a recently converted blog, it took me too long to figure out how to post & remember.

6:15 AM  
Blogger anne said...

Keep a couple centipedes for me, will you? Lightly toasted would be great.

6:48 AM  
Blogger Chemical Billy said...

What if you start blasting away, and find out it's the one rock that holds the whole world together?

10:21 AM  
Blogger GAMeZ said...

I would make a little more sense.(clearly state your topic)

12:29 PM  
Blogger Sylvana said...

Rocks are like icebergs, too bad you can't just melt rocks, though.

1:52 PM  
Blogger peaks island said...

You have the makings of quite a large pot of STONE SOUP. Remember to wash the stone well, otherwise you could ruin the whole batch. Adult centipedes tend to be bitter.

5:20 PM  
Blogger Ethan the wonderful. said...

I lived in mass for a few year, and no where else I have ever been do I see those freaky rocks like the ones you have in your yard, It's like a new england thing I guess. Who knows, it may really be a secret government spying device and if you blow it up they will kill your family one at a time till they get to you

*takes his meds and feels better*

5:21 PM  
Blogger Phil Miller said...

You might want to leave them in place. There might be a man in China that is using those rocks to hole up a side of his house.

7:57 PM  
Blogger Jonilee said...

Rock its all about rocks..u rock

12:51 AM  
Blogger jkirlin said...

I'm no geologist, but yeah...I think Chemical Billy and Phil are right. Dude. That ain't A rock. That's THE rock! The one you are LIVING on. And it looks like Silver Phyllite. That's ugly ass rock, Bro. Not like a nice arty looking peice of granite sticking up there. Why did you buy a lot on Metamophic Rock? You want to live in IGNEOUS ROCK! You need SOIL man! Get on the phone and call those glaciers! What was once your yard is now being used as Marth's Vineyard and YOU WANT IT BACK!

6:32 AM  
Blogger jkirlin said...

I just had another thought (lucky for you.) Get out there to Martha's Vineyard, find your soil, and CLAIM IT! I think you got a case. Just show them that photo.

6:33 AM  
Blogger Beo said...

Depending on where your located. You could be on a full shelf of promontory. In that case you may have troulbe finding fresh water for your loved ones. Unless you live by a type of qucikstop or grocery store. Then you will have an abundance.

Where do get dynamite?

1:11 PM  
Blogger topaz said...

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1:39 PM  
Blogger Mighty Meagan said...

What a great post. Oddly enough, I found the rock to be quite beautiful in its' own ugly green rock-y sort of way. I know that it must be frustrating to you, of course. ;) Be sure to check for undergroud lines before you blast the thing away. Sure would suck to blow up the a city square block! Or, it might be cool if your into that sort of thing. LOL

2:00 PM  
Blogger Derek said...

Actually, I've found that if you have a nail gun that you don't really like; you can take the nails out and just use it to pound on rocks and split them. Isn't good for the nail gun, but then you can just think of it as payback for the time it nailed your hand instead of the board.

11:31 PM  
Blogger amazed said...

dynamite? mmmm. =D haha.. check out my blog at

12:02 AM  
Blogger aditya said...

hi jay ,well u have come up with something really weird i had read nothing of this sort earlier,fine work,why dont u take a look at my blog 'adityar',im new to this
' blogging business'.

12:13 AM  
Blogger Maria hønen said...

What if the rock is actually a living organism?
And then you would have killed an alien?? Yes I might be watching too many sci fi movies...

3:04 AM  
Blogger Keep said...

a dragon, that has been sleeping for hundreds of years, suddenly awoken... thats what it looks like

7:56 AM  
Blogger Ricky D said...

Hilarious. I think the "commenterers" here may be on to something though... You try and blast a hole in this "rock" and end up unleashing the fiery fury of a long slumbering beast of epic proportions... It's your funeral buddy... Or cremation rather.

Ricky D

11:48 AM  
Blogger Jenny Bean said...

I've been reading your blog for a couple of months now, vicariously "enjoying" the process of rehabbing. For your sake I hope it's just a bunch of small rocks. (I helped build a Habitat for Humanity House that was found to be perched on "ledge." Tens of thousands of dollars later, and months and months beyond deadline, the house was finished.) I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

1:44 PM  
Blogger thurston said...

You speak of dynamite as though it's a bad thing.

Dynamite rules.

Now where'd I put my lighter...

7:53 PM  
Blogger IndianUncle said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

12:09 AM  
Blogger IndianUncle said...

Truly Amusing

Your Indian Uncle

12:12 AM  
Blogger Malabar Builders India Pvt. Ltd. said...

the last nail on the coffin of tommorrow.. ? i know a friend who ate a centipede , not very yummy she cribbed.

"disgusting" is the word she used, i think.

1:06 AM  
Blogger cwr said...

We have rocks like that in our yard. They grow. Every spring My Prince goes out to mark the high spots so that he can chip away at them and lower them enough so that they don't mess up the riding lawn mower blades when he rides the mower to cut the . . . uh . . . lawn. Well, it's not actually grass like you'd see in a picture of someone's actual lawn. It's more like low-growing weeds, but he keeps them well trimmed. It's just that the mower does a really poor job of trimming the rocks. So he chisels at 'em.

Maybe I should suggest dynamite for this spring. [Wondering how many sticks should he use so as not to crack the house foundation at the same time . . .]

7:21 AM  
Blogger K said...

Well, as a young child with a strange and bizarre father we would be forced (three siblings and self) to dig around these suckers and haul them out using log wedges and log levers....I'm still not sure what this was preparing us for. Perhaps the apocolypse to come, where digging out boulders becomes a major survival tactic. That which does not kill you makes you stronger.

7:47 PM  
Blogger Mr. Moo said...

ooooooooooooo so that was a ROCK! But hey, looks are decieving.I'd suggest that you don't need to do anything, however, if you're desperate, blow 'em up and start World War III. Well, actually, don't.

1:36 PM  
Blogger munky said...

hey i think rocks are cool! You dont see a lot of rocks like that, and BELLIIIIEEEEVVVVEEEE me, that is one special rock! So for a rock which has been there millions of years, your willing to destroy an important part of this earths heritage!?! FUck it, 5 stick's will do :D

join the rock supporters club @: sayNOtodynamite.boom

love munky

5:10 AM  
Blogger St. Blogwen said...

Good golly! Don't you realize that landscape designers charge folks Thousands of Dollars to have impressive rocks like that hauled in? Clean up the leaf debris, plant some edelweiss or something around them, and tell your friends you imported them On Purpose, for the "natural" effect. Their admiration will Know No Bounds.

(Of course, if you were planning to build out over that part of the property, dynamite might be your best option after all.)

10:03 PM  
Blogger IndianUncle said...

Very well said. - Where photographers click!

6:02 PM  
Blogger Freudian Slip said...

Mmmmm. Toasted crisp centipedes.

2:55 PM  
Blogger WindDancer said...

Hey, ya don't have the corner on big rocks, live rural in the Osage Hills of OkieLand. when we first moved here, there were so many rocks when it rained the bar ditches flooded as there was not enuf soil to absorb the rainfall. Hubby dug many out, took to another place where they could clog up the ground, we used some for flower garden bounderies.

2:40 AM  
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